Candide

catholic by birth; scientist by choice; sinner by merit. gaidhlig-speaking neuroscience student at oxford. likes to question everything! @di_macd

Confession. The first time I read Northern Lights (The Golden Compass) it took me til Lyra’s going to London to realize that this wasn’t the real Oxford after all. I was very very young, and wonderstruck by this magical university where everyone got to have their own talking animal. So I decided I was gonna go there!

Blathachadh na Cruinne

This story won second prize in the Northwards Now New Gaelic Fiction Competition. It has to be read carefully or the joke won’t be got!

“Tha an riaghaltas agaibh seasmhach. Gu dearbh fhèin, tha sinn deiseil airson buille sam bith a bheir Nàduir oirnn. Tha an t-àrm a’ gluasad. Tha sinn a’ dol gur cumail sàbhailt’. Tha sinne a’ dol gur dìon.”

            Cha robh guth aig a’ Mhìnisteir uasal air cò bu choireach gun robh an là seo air tighinn. Faclan snog, cofhurtail, a’ suaineadh a-mach às an rèidio, a’ snàigeadh a-steach tro mo chluasan, ‘s a’ faighinn smachd air m’inntinn. Briathran breugach brèagha. Thug mi breab dhan rèidio. Bha mi seachd searbh sgìth dha bhi ag èisdeachd ri srannalaich a’ Mhìnisteir. Cha robh a gheusan ‘s a gheallaidhean a’ dol a thràghadh an tuil.

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At dinner today I said I wanted to be a scientist.

My brother Calum, referring to a childhood game of mine, said:’well you’ve already got a labaratory anyway’. 

My mother asked where.

He said ‘in the rose bushes.’

I said: 

'who says I wanna work in a laboratory?'

Calum said, ‘well, what are you gonna do instead?’

I said:

'I wanna go into modelling…'

Everyone laughed.